Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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