you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
