Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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