don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
