I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
