I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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