I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
