That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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