so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize