Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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