Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
