I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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