dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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