margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
