So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
