I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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