You made me cry and you don't even care
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
