So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
