Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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