Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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