ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
