dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
