Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
