Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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