omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
