You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
