She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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