well I can't set my house on fire every night
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
