i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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