One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
