If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
