Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
