The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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