If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
