laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize