Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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