The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you never un-have a 4some
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize