Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
