Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
