If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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