Only a mothe r could love this liver
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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