508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
