Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize