yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize