shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize