Welp...herpes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize