dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm at about main and main street
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
