It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
