its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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