fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
