so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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