does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
