I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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