Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
