I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
