going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
