If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Randomize
