we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize