Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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