During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
