i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she told me i tasted like america
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
