Sober January is a disaster.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize