i permit you to call me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
