Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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