guys are not supposed to queef...right?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize