What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
