He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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