I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
