I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
