She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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