Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
